W(h)is(key)dom

Here is a quick drunk post, which seems very sacrilegious because I havent posted anything in over a month. And also because I obviously take myself too seriously. But after chugging on whiskey for a few hours I am feeling oh so wise, and a comment someone just made (now forgotten or I would share it) made me realize that after over four months in this foreign land I am indeed a changed girl. Maybe not for the better. How does Aerosmith call it? Jaded. Fuck.
Last night I went out with two guests from the hostel to smoke some water pipe and have a beer down by the Golden Horn. The air was very humid, and since air conditioning does not exist here and you can never cool off, you can count on having less sympathy for, well, everything.
The people I went out with were two guys from the States who are living in Albania and were on short travels while on a break from teaching English there, which made for lots of the “…..which is so totally different than at home, right?” kind of conversation. And since they were new to Turkey and the hostel, they were sharing their observations of where I work.
One of the dudes: “Soooooo, I was noticing one of your coworkers (read:young horny Turkish guy) was like, hugging ALL of the girls. And watching them I noticed they totally were uncomfortable because like. He was hugging them tightly and kissing them on the cheek and they were NOT hugging back. And it just seems weird but, is it normal? Do you get complaints?”
Sidenote: This observation is completely correct. But this is also a coworker I consider a twin brother and know is heartbroken over losing his girlfriend and is truly harmless and Turkish touching does seem over the top for many not used to it. But I am also a girl and can look at the situation with fresh eyes because I used to have those fresh eyes. Anyway I am in an interesting position sometimes of feeling obligated to say things like “stop holding her because she is clearly uncomfortable” and knowing that the true intentions of my coworkers are innocent (usually anyway). And before you roll your eyes about me defending INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING, please hear my response.
Me: “Ya know, people don’t really complain. But that doesn’t mean anything actually, because I know some girls would like to. And this is the problem. Because in western society we are taught to be polite at the expense of our own feelings. So on one hand I see these girls feeling a bit violated and uncomfortable and the part of me that wholly belongs to the sisterhood wants to say “you motherfucking handsy piece of shit I will strangle you if you don’t stop touching her.” And I did at first, although less aggressively. Generally something like “wow man STOP. She is not enjoying that,” while she would giggle and be like “no haha, it’s fine” but then would give me the “thank you” face and eyes. But now, day b’day, I start realizing that people must learn the skill to say ‘no’ by themselves when they need to. If a person is holding you and you don’t like it? Don’t say “hehe, ooooh wow that’s a, that’s a strong hug you have there.” It is okay to say “Stop!” You don’t have to feel like a prude or that you will hurt someones feelings. Be comfortable making yourself comfortable. And maybe it is a good lesson.”
Which is the gist of what I said, and then after felt very bitter and used, like “soooo super sorry girls if you can’t handle it. But please stop talking to me, I’m far too busy smoking Virginia Slims and laughing at the cruel world, *hack cough*. ” But then even after that I felt again like I made a valid point. And that it is one that Turkey has taught me well, with the pushy vendors and pushy men and demanding guests and complete lack of solitude. But it is one we can all drink from, because who hasn’t comprised their own comfort for the sake of someone who isn’t important enough? I just want to say this: respect yourself first. Always. It is okay to say no to people. It is even okay to say “fuck off” because sometimes nothing else will work. It is also okay to give yourself completely to something you believe in and make sacrifices for the important ones. That is also respecting yourself. But remember what Nancy Reagan said–”Just say no.” Or wait. Was that about drugs? Shit that’s not what I mean at all. What I mean is when someone is rude, offer to share your drugs, just like Jesus said about turning the other cheek. Okay I might be misquoting some folks here but anyway. Sometimes whiskey makes you wise and sometimes it just makes you an asshole. Either way though, treat yourself right. Someone has to, eh?

UPDATE I have sobered up since speeding through writing this post last night, and am now feeling like a total wanker. Maybe you can figure this kind of thing out on your own, but those sentiments in my head were really meant to apply a little more globally, and not only to women being touched in a way they didn’t enjoy. Like, apply that shit to your working relationship with your boss, or your mountain climbing relationship with your sherpa. Whatever it is you’re up to. It’s just that I am not good at writing metaphorically when I’m drunk. Similes though, ‘nother story. I can write those like….Turkish men can grab tits. See? And it really drives the point home. Brilliant.