Day. B’day.

Good god where to start?
Yes I have been slacking on this a bit, but not because of lack of material. Many new cast members have popped up, lots of new suspicious behavior on part of The Coyote (considering making a special page on this blog in which to note this….look for in upcoming days), good guests have provided high amounts of entertainment (special mention to “The Cowboys”), bad guests have taken me to the edge of my patience. Lilu, my only form of female companionship, in the form of a skinny white Golden mix, has run away (RIP girl, I am missing you daily). A building across the street has become an extension of the hostel in the form of private rooms, thank god, since they have been fully booked for many days before they were completed. A crush of tourists have taken hold of Istanbul like Lilu’s mouth used to around a chicken bone, splintering off into the various intestines of the city and causing the same types of annoyances–or wait I think those annoyances are internal bleeding, but you get the picture. The weather has been unpredicatable, but on the other hand, the hours in my days are trickling into a mold that more or less goes like this:

–Wake up at the same time I am to be at work.
–Saunter in, change the music, make some coffee (umm I mean Nescafe) and say hello to Jesus on his way out.
–Hop behind desk and look at reservations. Try and guess by names and nationalities if there are any potentially good looking guys.
–Welcome morning check-ins with a sleepy smile and shitty maps, stupid jokes and towels.
–Q and A session with guests gathering in clumps around the desk, unofficial but occurs quite reliably.
–Try and scrounge up breakfast after morning hustle. Attempt creativity with the same ingredients every day–any ideas of what to make out of eggs, cuc’s, tomato, cheese, bread and olives? Oh an omelette? No more please. Egg salad sandwich? Heading in the right direction.
–Gooood long ‘net surfing session with music cranked to 11.
–Go outside and chat with the neighbors. At this point, allow me to indroduce a few new folks.

Fistpump–Works in the hotel next door and looks like a man from Wisconsin, wearing a black jacket zipped tight around his beer belly, skinny legs, forward facing cap, and a serious expression, which he betrays completely with the bizarre and hilarious shit he says . After a few (or even one) beers, he becomes Turkey’s biggest Beşiktaş fan (football team). Fistpumping with his left arm up and down hills, he bellows LOUDLY one of their million chants. This means that I am now a Beşiktaş fan because I am a fan of Fistpump. I am going with him to a game on Saturday. Beers are on him. I will keep you posted.
Word Jumble–Another favorite neighbor, aptly named for his favorite activity besides drinking tea. To my understanding, he has been contracted by an American couple to renovate the house that stands on the corner 10 feet from us. That was 13 months ago. After a few noontime teas in this far-from renovated building with him, I can see his grandest accomplishment so far has been to complete every puzzle possible in the papers. Sudoku, jumble, crossword, all of ‘em. Quite impressive really. We also share no common language, but this does not stop him from speaking to me loudly, in Turkish, and at high speeds. He is perhaps the happiest man I have ever met.
Sveet Mama–Large chested Romanian woman who cooks for the hotel up the street. Calls me her sweet Baby and smokes from a 40 pack of ‘Rocket’ cigarettes. Sings for long stretches with almost no prompting.

Plenty more to meet, but that is a good for now.

–Come back inside, clean kitchen, show Honeybear which beds to clean, practice my Turkish while he laughs at me.
–Tea break
–Round about this time Snaggletooth comes in, generally four hours earlier than he has to. I am confused on why this is, but you do not question the Turkish ways!
–Proceed to question the Turkish ways, all of them, and with increasing persistence. Escalates into argument with Snaggs.
–Resolve nothing, turn up the music, decide together what to eat for lunch.
–Order sandwiches (or as it is anti-climatically called, toast).
–Eat
–Post meal neighbor chatting and tea
–Say hello to “The Coyote” as he comes in for the day, look at our Hostelworld standing (number one as of this writing, high excitement!)
–Go for a walk, get some ice cream, say hello to the usual vendors and drink tea when offered on the way back.
–Listen to various arguments between the Turks while speaking to guests who have returned from their day out in a manner that suggests “this yelling is perfectly normal, please continue with your story.”
–Drink a tea and/or beer, depending on how the arguments went
–Do the evening check-ins as they stream in with much more gusto than the morning ones
–Wind down into evening atmosphere which means generally more beer, possibly cooking up dinner (read: eating what Snaggs cooks and contributing nothing except for the occasional “that smells good in there”) and deciding if it is a ‘going-out’ night or ‘staying-in’ night. This depends heavily on who is around.
–Wait for Jesus to come take over for the night shift. Get the requisite lecture on Christ and the Prophets. Avoid the topic of homosexuality as this almost led to fisticuffs last time on both of our parts. Apparently it is even less accepted in Turkey than in Nebraska? Says Jesus “I am for equal rights–if someone was trying to kill a gay, I would say that is bad. But I just hate dirty and nasty things.” Umm, interesting perspective on ‘equal rights’. A little more severe than the NE take that is “gay dudes are fine so long as they don’t hit on me.” But I digress.
–Finally, let the night turn into whatever it will, be it Rakı in town, beers upstairs, or a nice dark and dreamy sleep.

Things my days don’t include: television, ice cubes, wheat bread, driving, GOOD beer, supermarkets, designated crosswalks, to-go food, shitty american pop music, washing machines, filtered coffee or interaction with my friends and family. The only bad one to be missing is the last one of course. Oh and peanut butter. And maybe the good beer bit as well. But otherwise the things that seemed picture worthy and strange at first, now seem common place and normal; be it the thousands of stray cats, GIGANTIC mosques blaring the call to prayer 5X daily or the Kalashnikov toting guards around the palace that I greet morning and evening on my walks to and from the hostel.
So I think that is enough for now. I will let myself back to my mundane Istanbul existence, and you dear friend, to yours.